The Diary
by LadyKRedzz
Summary: This is a Monalog, of an entry in a Diary Kitty made While waiting for Matt to return from a trip on a Cold blistering winter Night...


**"The Diary" **

This is Basically a monolog of a Diary Entry..Made By Kitty while waiting for Matt's return on a cold wintery night.

Usual Disclaimer: Just taking our friends out for a bit, will put them back when I'm through!

Late at night, a extremely cold night. It was exceptionally quiet all but the sounds of the whipping winds and the snapping crackling sounds of the fire burning across the room.

Snuggled tightly in the beautifully brocaded chair. Wearing a soft blue chiffon gown with matching robe  
wrapped in the beautiful rose patterned shaw. Wrapped in such a way she could imagine the strong arms of the man who first placed it around her.

The room was dimly lit, mostly by the lamp that was lit as it usually was waiting for his return whenever he was away with a small sniffer of brandy. Napoleon her favorite 1837. On the side table, a leather bound book. Beside it, an ink well with pen. Setting down the glass. Then setting the book in her lap, she began think as she glanced out the window, now covered almost completely in frost. Smiling back at her memories then beginning to write…

_Dear Diary,_

_Here I sit on this awfully cold night, waiting as I have so many nights before. Waiting, wondering,  
if… if this will be the time. The time my cowboy won't return. _

_I can't even count, ummmmm… Can't even count anymore the number of nights I sat in this very spot and thought these very thoughts. And I'm sure, in these very pages it shows! And I'm sure there will be many someday that will say I was a fool and ask, Why? _

_Why did I do it? Why did I sit back and wait? Knowing how he felt. Knowing his dedication to his job, his badge. I don't know that I could ever make them understand. Some say I have no home, no family, nothing at all because I…_

_I just remember how beat-up and lost I felt the first day I came off that stage here in Dodge…_

_Oh, yeah I was tired, cold, hungry, and yes.. Miserable! I had no idea, none what so ever, where my life was going. What my future held or even if I had one. Then, when I saw that giant of a man with those gorgeous blue eyes and boyish smile…well… Who was in a hurry? Dodge was as good a place as any to slow down a while and figure things out. (Now drifting her gaze out the frosted window)_

_Little did I know, all that came along with knowing this blue-eyed giant of a man. _

_Getting to know him and realizing well… there was something behind that quiet front he allowed the world to see. Slowly, we got to know one another. _

_Now let me say this. I am quite the private person. Yes I am. But I found myself comfortable enough with this giant cowboy that I could tell him anything. Oh it started out small, little things here and there. Late night talks after work, sometimes late night walks. After a life of not being able to know who to trust, well this was nice. _

_We built on this._

_Oh, I fell hard! But I learned fast, real fast, this cowboy was married! Oh, no, not a woman.  
That would have been too easy. He was married to a big tin star! And what that meant to me was that there was no room in his life for anything or anyone, but her. She was his life, wife and family! _

_But, me being me, I always thought someday, some far off someday things might change. See, we were just kids. So I held out for HOPE!_ (Once again, turning to look out the small spaces of window not covered in frost. Sipping another sip of Brandy) "Ummm"

_Well a few years went by. Oh, he held strong to his convictions and I held strong to my temper and will but we continued to grow closer, agreeing that if a relationship would happen it would have to be just what it was with the understanding it would be non- permanent. Ha Ha There could never be marriage or a family and we'd have to be discrete in public. Well, we thought we did pretty well. _

_Little did we know we became the…._ (Now laughing) _'The Worst Best keep secret in Dodge City' Or anywhere_ _else for that matter! It turned out most everyone realized at some time/point or other, you didn't mess with the redhead at the Long Branch, unless you wanted to deal with the Marshal and you didn't mess with the Marshal unless you wanted to deal with the redhead._

For a moment she put down the book and pen and stood at the window wiping with her hand in a circular  
motion, trying to see but her vision was no clearer. "Oh, Cowboy, where are you? Someplace safe I hope."  
Then, pouring herself another brandy, sitting back in the warm chair, again reclaiming the book and pen.

_I never realized how I would worry, until the first few times I watched Doc dig bullets out of him. And then that when I had to really think there was always that possibility that one of those times….._

_And it wasn't long before Mace Gore and his gang came to town andwanted to destroy Dodge, and that night I thought, my life with it. When I saw him lying out there in that street, and Doc said….. I went numb, completely numb. A big part of me died inside. That part that tells you to go on. That part, just inside your chest. Oh, there was a sound that Doc could detect but for me? It stopped out there in the middle of the street. I wouldn't have stayed. Don't know where I would have ended up, but I couldn't have stayed. Luckily, he survived._

_Then there were a few other's. Cole Morgan. Oh, I shot him. Not a bad aim huh? _

_Will Mannon. Now there was a character. That man was pure evil. _

_See, we got to know one another so well, we became so in tuned to one another, there was anything we wouldn't do for the other._

_Now that didn't always sit well with my cowboy. Like how I handled Dan Whelan and his men. But it all worked out. _

_And handling things like the ransom when we were both kidnapped. And I wanted him to realized the folks here in Dodge did care for and respect him. They put up everything and gave me everything they had to get him back. We both loved and cared for the citizens of Dodge._

_When the Bonner brothers were wanted and Virgil Bonner had to be brought to trial and hung… Jude Bonner and the Dog soldiers, they would have hurt Sam, Burke and poor Mr. Lathrop right there on the floor of the Long Branch had I not come forward like he wanted. And I knew they weren't going to give me up. Ok, I know he was upset with me for that. But what was I to do? Let them slaughter those men? No, no. I just couldn't. But, it wasn't Matt's fault. No matter what they did or would have done. I know to this day he still blames himself. And I love him for wanting to._

_I would have given my life. And I know Matt would have given his as well. _

_Oh, yeah, I know I left several times, swearing up and down, I was NEVER going to see him or his DAMN BADGE again! But who was I kidding? That was my hurt, scared feeling talking and when my head and heart battled it out, my heart won! Oh, and it helped when he came to get me._ (Smiling at the thought)

_When he disappeared for all those weeks, and I thought he was never coming back… Then when he did and I found out he was held up in the Arizona Territory? Turns out he didn't know who he was, or where he was from. I was so relieved, then angry when I found out about the rancher that took care of him. Mike. Oh, Mike was a woman! But once again, after I put my hurt and temper aside, and Doc made me understand that he didn't know, us? me? Well….._

_It's been a long time now. No, he hasn't changed his mind about some things, but all in all, that's alright! _

_Doc has been a father figure to the both of us and we love him for that!_

_Sam, Festus, Newly even Chester and Quint. They will always be our family and yes.. Matt did have a daughter(Elizabeth) with Mike as Dan. _

_As for Matt and myself…. No, we never married! Not before a preacher or in any formal way. _

_But for us, the last twenty plus years, we have been to one another all that is most important. Friends, companions, confidants and lovers and who could ask for any more of a marriage then that? We are two people one heart, one soul, one mind…. One Love till our Last Breath and Beyond!_

Slowly, her eyes were drifting. She closed the book partially in her lap, not hearing the door open.

The large figure filling the doorframe, he just smiled. He quietly removed his outer garments. Boots, hat and gun belt, then carefully lifted her body from the chair, carrying her to the large brass bed they shared for so many years.

Just as he was about to place her down, she tightened her hands around his neck. "Ummm, hello, Cowboy. So glad you're home."

"Is that a Fact?" he asked with his usual boyish grin.

In a Deep Sultry voice, "Oh, that's a fact, Cowboy!"

"You know, Ma'am, it's quite cold out there tonight."

"Well, Marshal, we'll just have to see what we can do about warming you up."

"Ohhhh? Sounds good to me." Quickly he shed himself of the remainder of his clothes within no time at all.

Like many times over the years. Two bodies became one. Entwined in the passion of the love that had sustained them.

Later …an added entry….

_Dear Diary,_

_No one needs to understand. We Do! _

Fini


End file.
